the daily dose: someone PLEASE invent this for mankind

Sunday, December 28, 2008

someone PLEASE invent this for mankind

So I have been doing a lot of soul searching, and with Big Head Joe I came up with an invention that should already be available. A portable STD tester. We figure that there must be a large conspiracy from pharmaceutical companies. It seems to me that in this day and age where you can have a breathalyzer on your keychain, or a pregnancy test at home, why not STDs. It could have saved Magic Johnson from getting AIDs, it could save YOU! Sure you would probably feel like a huge skank if you tested before sex, and it might ruin the mood, but safety first! The vision is a card like tester that could easily fit in your wallet, you test it with a rub or something, and it turns color if there's something wrong, then you dispose of it after, sure it couldn't be 100% accurate, but I bet it could be a life saver! If anyone even has an inkling of how to do this they should.

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The Nine Scale

Level One: This is of course the first level. Usually not too much happening at this level. Some sexy eyes, maybe a wink, level one is largely innocent touching and dirty eyes. I would also put holding hands in this level, but it's a relationship thing so it usually comes with much more.
Level Two: The first kiss, a peck on the lips or the cheek. This is frequently a good night kiss, or something along those lines. It lets both sides know that they are getting interested. Once you take the next step you get into...
Level Three-This is the make out with minimal groping, and tongue. Some heavy kissing, but nothing too serious. I'd put the DFM, Dancefloor makeout in this bracket as long as you don't go to town, or emulate Ursh and Jeezy. This would also be the likely type of make out you would feel comfortable doing in a movie theatre, or where someone might see you.
Level Four-This is the serious makeout, one that you might turn a little red if your parents walked in, in the middle of it. There is some petting, and groping but nothing really venturing below the clothes. Depending on how you feel about the Dance Floor DFMing is also possible at level four.
Level Five-This is where things start to get a little interesting. Start moving the hands under the level of outer wear, and into underwear. Some people might be comfortable "going to town" at level five but it usually takes a serious amount of tequila.
Level Six-This is what I assume to be the level that Joey and Dawson made it to on Dawson's Creek. This is some private makeout sessioning that leads to a topless girl. Usually reserved for the bedroom, and often a stage that only truthfully happens with an interuption, or a celebant someone. It still accounts for a lot of time. Some call it foreplay, I call it level six.
Level Seven-This is the level where HJ becomes the new lingo, usually something exchanged in an amorous tryst, but sometimes just lending a hand. Also can be one of the messiest levels depending on how you play it.
Level Eight-One of the most versatile levels for it's ability to be done in multiple locations, aural sensation, much like music can be highly satisfying. It also has many names, but head by any other name still means you are getting brains. And anything that can had excitement to a man and woman road trip is all good in my books.
Level Nine-Finally I'm getting nine. This scale all started up as a mistake when I was TDTT (Too Drunk Too Text,) but it is starting to catch on. Getting nine is straight up intercouse. We all learned all about it from such sources as Degrassi, Sex With Sue, and Health Class, some of us get nine a lot, some not so much. I finally understand though why Gordie Howe chose number 9, and Gretzky 99
Level 10-The rarest of the levels, this is the level that encompasses all things awesome and legendary that guys are often denied. I'm talking threesomes, making movies, or anything like that, anything you think is the next level from reg. sex is considered a 10.

the daily dose

Sunday, December 28, 2008

someone PLEASE invent this for mankind

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cool stuff for you to check

The Nine Scale

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